| Player |
Existence |
Most Likely To... |
| Jane Aitken |
 |
Bust brains. Win a speed-talking
competition. Discourage investment in Le Marche. |
| Rachel Armstrong |
 |
Out-IM the MSN equivalent of IBM's
"Big Blue". Get caught in the personal development-consumerlife
tug of war |
| Chris Ash |
 |
Talk incessantly about how much
Americans like foreigners. Keep taking the pills. Threaten to shave Al's hair if he pulls
again. Likes this hand job. |
| Sunanda Bachu |
 |
Become linguistically
American in record time |
| Keith
Bailey |
 |
Nipple-clamp you into a bootyquake |
| Danielle
Balestier |
 |
Minx things up, a possible reaction to
underemployment or the comparative ennui of Colorado life |
Pete Batty |
 |
Purchase elaborate gadgets at
inflated prices |
| Catie Baumer |
 |
Play Meg Ryan as a
cosmopolitan-swilling, city-dwelling, hardnosed businesswoman running a
military-industrial complex, only to realise her destiny lay in being a
tree hugging children's Tv presenter, after a stint of being an escort for
Richard 'Bumface' Gere. Who'd have thought it?
|
| Mr "Biggie" Big |
 |
Hyperactively snog you on the way out of the pool
|
| Graham Bland |
 |
Come 1st in a
smooth/suave/sophisticated competition.
In Scumthorpe.
|
| Rachelle
Bowen |
 |
Loop the loop, compete
with John & Glenn for
Brit-lover of the year. |
| Amy Boyd |
 |
Out-network a switchboard |
| Al Brown |
 |
Say any of the following phrases or
words, repeatedly: "If you know what I'm saying/ I mean", "Great",
"Brilliant", "Mate". Currently sporting an Aussie accent |
| David Campbell |
 |
From the Far East through the East
End, Corporate Droid to self-styled solo Kray twin sans frontieres.
Namaste indeed. |
| Lindsay Campbell |
 |
Dance her way to yoga heaven. Cohabit
with some cadgers. Covet Callies'
career. |
| Maura Capaul |
 |
Organize world trips, get rich from
one of those schemes |
| Roger Carribine |
 |
Buy and sell more shares in a day
than George Soros / |
| Cyndi |
 |
Give up on her mates when in a
relationship. Come back to them when it's over. |
| David "Dr
Davis" Davis |
 |
Carry on mobile narcotics unit |
| Marjorie De Puy |
 |
Claim to be from New Zealand, nurse
an old bleeder |
| Jodi
"Red Scarf" Dick |
 |
Knit her way into the upper echelons
of education |
| Derren Duburguet |
 |
"Deals off".
Misunderstanding his role. When is DQD?? |
| Wayne Du Preez |
 |
Blunter than an old pick axe, get
into a fight based on a sporting point of view (ie SA rules). |
| "Fat" Mike Ellis |
 |
End up as a minor celeb, having
scammed the laydeez with his shaken-not-stirred approach.
|
| Flat Eric |
 |
Get into amazingly tight spots, win
over parties
|
| Kelly Fagan |
 |
Alco-rage after one merlot too many.
Commendable chunder record, mind.
|
| Jay Fishel |
 |
Simultaneously pull & push away
birds in the Vail house.
Introduce you to the joy that is Larry Williams (Bayam!)
|
| Shauna Fitzmorris |
 |
Suitably situated in this list adjacent to Seanie
|
| Sean Flannery -- the
Second Coming |
 |
Born-again clubber, Seanio's back
bigger and more barking than ever. More likely than most to engage in any
'scene'-related activity. |
| Double-oh-David
Flannery |
 |
See previous, but with enhanced
pulling power |
| Camille Foote |
 |
Reconstruct the scene |
| John Fowler |
 |
Move his body like a character from
Toy Soldiers. Bit of a romeo Wishes he was British (don't we all?). Prone to recording the odd phone call |
| Joey "nice 'n' easy"
Frease |
 |
Hike up a mountain rather than take
a ski-lift. Other than that, be the laziest resident of Boulder. |
| Nick Furness |
 |
Get swallowed by his own rectum.
Consistent winner of the "Poor Man's Pete Batty" award since
'96. |
| Glenn Goodrich |
 |
Oscillate between anger and ecstasy.
Say "Hi" in a high-pitched voice. Currently sweating in the South Have good
knowledge of British comedy, as well as be a comedy
himself. |
| Simon Gurner |
 |
Use an ugly
Australian as his 'Wingman'. |
| Monica "Mo" Hargis |
 |
Be seen in the Scooby Doo Wagon.
Currently on parole in Boston. Wish that I replace this photy with a more
flattering one |
| Sarah Harris |
 |
Adopt an American
|
| Jon Hartley
|
 |
Tartley: Confounded moron, or
bumbling idiot?
Let's see what the police
thought...
|
| Susan
Herdina |
 |
Realize that Redlands is Deadlands.
Know the meaning of warm milk.
Settle for someone alphabetically adjacent on
this list.
|
| Erin Hirsch |
 |
Jump aboard the summer of leisure,
Vail-house / Country Club-style.
Settle for someone who used to be alphabetically adjacent on
this list.
|
| Barrett "Golden
Badger" "Drunky" cvgHogue |
 |
Be a deviant Canadian Communist born
80 years too late and blaming the city of Houston & the Lakers for it. |
| Jason Ihaia |
 |
Dazzle women with his "yeah
yeah" / "Awesome" routine. About 4 coach loads of donkey snot. |
| Regi Jenkins |
 |
Electrocute small mammals |
| Ken Johns |
 |
Break his neck with his 720 turns.
Currently in a bleak northern town. |
| Tanya "Spitfire" Keil |
 |
Scream "Los Gatos" in high
pitch, out-step an aerobics instructor. Seen here being impersonated by an
as yet unknown imposter |
| Kelley Kiefer |
 |
Organize a her social life on marathon
lines. Regurgitate blokes |
| Neil Kirkwood |
 |
Give the misleading impression that
not all Geordies are loud |
| Jess Knampbell |
 |
Campbell-obsessed, technophiliac love
doctor |
| Renee "Redbull" Larson |
 |
Get in there. Take up physical
education as a career. |
| Rifca "Squiffy Riffy" LeDieu |
 |
Go from nought to squiffy in
breathtaking time.
|
| Matt "Shiv" McFarland |
 |
Infuse the scene with his insane
Philly moves in order to cover up his 41 year old, balding accountant,
lives-with-mother driving habits.
<JB> Welcome Aboard </JB>
|
| Lance McGee |
 |
Get beaten in table footy (arf arf). |
| Dani McIntyre |
 |
Leave threatening voicemails |
| Chris
"McShag" McShanag |
 |
Suffer from delusions of grandeur |
| Kat
Mason |
 |
The Jeckyl & Hyde of the social
conduct spectrum |
| Alex Menendez |
 |
Sport some of the bigger San Fran
surfer nawks.
Score one of the cooler player photies. Smoooove.
|
| Kerry Moyer |
 |
Laugh the longest |
| Katie O'Brien
|
 |
Live a semi-charmed kind of Californian
existence. Fall foul of a pappagallo in disguise. |
| Ray "O'Ted" O'Connell |
 |
Get skanked by a dodgy car dealer.
Ray, did you learn nothing in Liverpool? |
| Kim "e"
Oram-Smith |
 |
Oscillate between ecstasy &
agony - within a minute. Get hitched to a blagger. |
| James "Aussie
Ozzy" Osborne |
 |
Property magnate, IT chancer and
survivor of seven cvg/slb rounds. Convince people to buy more real estate
over a rumour-filled lunchtime concerning impending layoffs.. |
| Aaron "Topper" Patterson |
 |
Flash the cash on overpriced goods
(see 'Pete Batty Syndrome') |
| Cary Payne |
 |
Be the highest paid female I know |
| Emma Pearson |
 |
Enjoy Indie muzak |
| Mark "Percy"
Percy |
 |
Surf the Flange wave |
| Carlo Piccini |
 |
Chauffeur to the stars
Geordies |
| Kelly Plasto |
 |
Drown in a vat of red wine, causing
countless others to come to the party. |
| Stephanie Reed |
 |
Love the world.
Empower the e generation
|
| Patrick Robinson |
 |
Get confused about work-life balance |
| Marcy Rosenbloom |
 |
Be hounded into hiding |
| Amy St John |
 |
Out-belch someone twice her weight /
half her IQ |
| James "Softie" Sanders |
 |
Be more British than Blur |
| Elizabeth Sargent |
 |
Come out on the pool |
| Greg "the company psycho"
Scott |
 |
Wrestle the CEO to the floor |
| Milo Schaffer |
 |
Get molecular on yo ass. Still a
ringer Ali-G,
though, innit. |
| Bitsy Schneider |
 |
Mash her feet for relief |
| Brooke Schoener |
 |
Outspank Armitage Shanks |
| Shannon
Schroeder |
 |
Typify the descent into /emancipation
in early thirties singledom. An American Bridget Jones for our times?
Wilkommen. Currently on assignment in Blighty for Scumberger. |
| Lauren
Self |
 |
Belie her
Midwest girl-next-door look/leanings. A siren for her times. |
| Dana Sisti |
 |
Wear a different pair of shoes every
hour of the day. Sing without feeling for those around her. |
| Rob Smithson |
 |
Heir to the throne / Mark Thatcher
half-brother.
Aspire to geekdom.
|
| Neil Stone |
 |
Be relegated to sidekick status, in
spite of musical taste exceeding the norm. |
| Stoppenhagen |
 |
Dispense with formality. Move to, erm,
rural Suffolk |
| Katie Syverud |
 |
Display that sense of
liberated/empowered 21st century woman. But is it believable? |
| Justin "Kraka"
Thomas |
 |
Write the world's best UT
Stats generator. Have to endure circumnoncery
at work.
Impersonate Rolf Harris.
|
| Adam Tonkin |
Couldn't put a photy in here or the site would be overrun with
females |
Try and chat up, okka-style*,
anything that moves. Phenomenal, erm, hit rate. |
| Deborah Thompson |
 |
Live a life of luxury |
| Gareth Thompson |
 |
Snowboard like a small child |
| Riaan Van Tonder |
 |
Whinge about how his
Rugby/Cricket/whatever team fail to beat England and/or Australia |
| George Wallace |
 |
Save lots of money but die in
misery. Wear the same t-shirt/troosers for a season. |
| Marty "Farty Bowels" Walls |
 |
Use his bowels to comedy effect |
| Nikki Wheeler |
 |
Relate to Washington |
| Roger Wilde |
 |
Be more manic than a six year old
child on tartaric acid-filled orange squash. And a better snowboarder. |
| Erica Winkler
|
 |
Purchase a season ski pass - without
using it. Click here to see what could have been. |
| Rob "Iron Monger" Younger |
 |
Wax eloquent on matters to do with
footy/snowboarding. Singlehandedly win an RMFC game |
